Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize