I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
