Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
