She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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