so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
