Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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