I wish i was in the wii world.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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