you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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