Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
