For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
