He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This baby is an asshole
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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