my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
