I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
