literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
