Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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