Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am available for nakedness
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
