nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
