my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
