In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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