You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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