i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
