I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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