So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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