I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
