I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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