So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
