I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
