I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
