the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
