Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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