So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
