My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
