she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
