You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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