sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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