I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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