I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
