Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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