I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
