Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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