id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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