Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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