Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
