well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
