Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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