Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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