His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
