Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
