Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
