Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
