With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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