I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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