so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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