I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
