I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
