wanna go halves on a baby?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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