i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
