somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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