I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
