it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
