I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
