I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
