If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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