Can Purell be used as lube?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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