Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
