So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
