There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
