tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
