Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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