I'm jealous of your bromance
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
