You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
