i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
