i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
