He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
