Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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