I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
