You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
