u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
