it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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