just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize