I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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