woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
