i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize