You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
