Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
