My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
