Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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