our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
