dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
