I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
