my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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