So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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