umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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